This should have wayyyyyyy more notes
^^^
(via iheartaubreygraham)
OK, so a couple months back I said I was going to do a advocacy poster on self harm awareness/prevention. So here is my finished product and I honestly don’t like as much as I hoped I would. I hardly had time to work on it in the first place because I had other projects to work on and I just really wanted something that would stand out, get others attention, and make me proud. I feel like if I had all the time in the world to work on it, even I would have been impressed but, I think its purely just nice to look at. :( But on another note, I didn’t create this poster because I used to be a cutter. I was too afraid it would hurt. I was too afraid that when it left its mark, everyone would see that the girl who puts on a smile for everyone else is actually the girl who cries herself to sleep at night. However, I did consider killing myself throughout my childhood. I tried to set the house on fire a few times, considered taking all the pills in the Excedrin bottle a few times and a few other times slitting my throat and some other not so smart situations. I was depressed from 3rd grade all the way to mid-Junior year and suffered with anxiety (which I still do slightly but its not bad.) I dealt with self image issues and bullying from teachers and students. This specific teacher called me “Stupid” for comprehending math at a basic level in a gifted level class, called me “Incompetent” for not being able to decide whether reading or math is more important when I was first learning how to write essays and many other degrading terms that a teacher should never tell a student. Students in grammar school, picked on me because I dressed differently, spoke with proper pronunciation at all times, was a teachers pet, made straight A’s, always answered questions correctly, and I went through puberty before everyone else so I had major acne, so on and so forth I was a geek. Students in high school, picked on me because I couldn’t afford brand name really anything (that really hasn’t changed lol), because I have stretch marks from being really skinny and gaining muscles very quickly from cheerleading on the back of my calves and elbows (they’re going a way a little though :]), I was quiet, and I was a “lame”- that’s anyone’s opinion right there of what specifically a “lame” is so…yeah. Yet, Sophomore year though Junior year I met a girl who had done almost everything I was too scared to do. Her self confidence was lower than mine, she was a cutter, she had actually attempted killing her self more than once and she was every thought I had in my mind come to life. And to actually see her, made me get myself together. I realized that I was no where near as sad as she was and to know this is what I walked around like on a 24/7 basis scared me because I had never known this is what I was like. I looked eye to eye with the very creature that my mind was becoming but my body wouldn’t allow me to be. After hanging with her for almost two years we fell out over a guy who changed my life. We were never together but he helped me see a lot of beauty in me that I never realized was there. He accepted the fact I was weird, quiet, and nerdy because he had plenty of friends like that. He was accepting of the differences in others and I had never really met anyone like that. He broke me out of my shell and I will forever love him in every way for that. I’ll be honest, I fell in love with him and he eventually fell in love with another girl and it hurt like hell but I realized that I didn’t need him anymore. I wanted to hold on to him because I felt like I couldn’t be the new me without him- he basically created the new me. I finally realized that he had done his job for me and that was to make me realize that my self hatred was all for nothing because there was so much in that was truly amazing. And now that I see that! I have self confidence (its not high or anything but I definitely do have it!), I can look in the mirror (something I didn’t do for almost 4 years) and see a beautiful girl looking back and some horrid creature like I thought I was. I embrace my imperfections (OK I’m getting better at that because I still want to change some things but whatever! lol) So when I got the chance to make this poster I wanted it to be amazing and keep it close to my heart because I have come a VERY LONG WAY! But it will do for now.. I will revamp it though..so I can truly appreciate it and all of its meaning to me. :) I got an “A” for it though!
See, if you can’t spatially expand my horizon
Then that leaves you in a class with scrubs never risin’
I don’t find it surprisin’
If you don’t have the g’s
To please me and bounce from here to the coast of overseas
So, let me give you somethin’ to think about
Inundate your mind with intentions to turn you out
Can’t forget the focus on the picture in front of me
You as clear as DVD on digital TV screen
Satisfy my appetite with something spectacular
Check your vernacular
And then I get back to ya
With diamond like precision
Insatiable is what I envision
Can’t detect acquisition
From your friend’s expedition
Mr. Big Willy if you really wanna know
Ask Chilli, could I be a silly ho
Not really, T-Boz and all my senoritas
Is steppin’ on your Filas
But you don’t hear me though
